writings


Thanks be to the Almighty, a cool breeze made it’s way through my door this morning. Friends, Family, Coworkers and Acquaintances, did you survive the fiery summer? Is your soul burning, perhaps with love, perhaps with anger, perhaps with desperation, depression or joy. Have you let the fiery summer burn your soul or have you buried the embers below. If you have followed the flame to it’s source what have you found? Imperfection, Longing, Conflict, Love, Sadness or Confusion?This summer have you been able to avoid vice for a long enough period to feel the ache and burn in your soul? FEEL THE BURN.

Realization: no one escapes the fire.

It took quite a few years for me to realize that following Jesus was not an escape from suffering but a commitment to suffer honestly. I remember in a class called “suffering and the heart of the judge” that I took many years ago, my teacher was teaching us how to meditate on Christ and she spoke of the pain of longing. She said “you sit with this longing for as long as possible until you can’t possibly sit any longer and then you go and do laundry or something practical”. I’ve been running from that pain ever since. If only practical things like laundry could really help, maybe at first they help, but then you have to find something stronger than laundry, like maybe dishes.

 When we let the longing over take us, we are letting the Spirit of God have access to our soul, when this happens we can’t hide our brokenness, we can’t hide the fact that we suffer, and we can’t hide the fact that in our avoidance of truth/suffering/fire, we have harmed others. This is what I’ve found to be true: Honest suffering leads to honest celebration, or another way to say it is real pain leads to real joy.

It might just be that heaven doesn’t exist,
If our love doesn’t persist.
It might just be that our joy is paired equally with suffering shared.

“Avalanche” is my favorite album by Sufjan Stevens. Last year while trekking in the Himalayas I was able to see my first avalanche, though I heard it first. It was great, as I was safe. Now in Colorado exploring the back country with my snowboard a little (very little) I’m learning more about the conditions that could cause an avalanche. While hiking in it’s common to dig a “snowpit” this allows you to see the conditions of the snow, primarily the way the snow has layered. Through out the season layers build and though the top layers may be bonded well the early layers often bond poorly due to inconsistent temperatures during the beginning of winter. Now usually if you’re staying below tree level these conditions have a nominal effect. The trees help to keep the snow from cracking and sliding much in the same way they keep mudslides from occurring. But If you’re going high or going steep your observation skills better be savvy.

An avalanche of faith: The first layer of any pursuit of faith, when the first snows of Gods grace began to fall, was quite warm. The fires of hell surrounded me, they were threatening my eternal soul and were consuming every friend I made in high school. How I would weep for their souls (and gloat a little for my own). The message of Gods love began to deepen in my life, all along however was the heat of hell flame crystallizing and confusing my foundations.

Now later in the season as people have trodden over and through this grace my faith has cracked and slid. All that remains is below.

And He said to him, ” ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40 NASB)

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (John 13:34 NASB)

If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. ……”This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. (John 15:10, 12-14 NASB)

Beloved (please be loved!) let us love one another, for love comes from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7

And that’s how the cookie crumbles.

After continued conversation of the matter it has been decided by myself and a few other internet cronies that God is in fact not Gay after all. No, in fact God most likely has no sexuality at all or even gender for that matter. As it turns out, after much debate, gender and sexuality is something meant for humans alone to grapple with. Not without God’s involvement of course. We have also decided that it is alright to refer to God as He or Him as well, as we have to give God some pronoun. In the same breathe one wouldn’t be in error if referring to God as She or Her though it may confuse some people. What is important however is that we don’t allow our pronouns to create an Image of God as a He or She to the point where we may miss the other aspects of God that most specifically aren’t male. In our beloved western society for example the Male attributes of God are worshiped without a doubt, in my mind, to a much greater extent. Though there may be a change in the air.

The other thought that this subject brings up to my mind is that since God is not sexual in of Godself perhaps the rigid line of correct sexual practice within Christianity today is not as much holy as it is cultural. While there are many arguments against and for such ideas, I can not help notice that sexuality in the Bible changes with culture and that the voice of God seems to avoid many of such “sexual practices”. Instead God’s voice in the Bible focuses on other seemingly more important items. The best example I can think of is Solomon who is obviously sleeping with many women and even has what we would call today sex slaves. Yet God doesn’t address the fact that he has broken the “sacred institution of marriage”, instead God’s beef is that these women are bringing in their own gods. God’s focus is on what brings separation from God. The problem with the greater churches view on sex today is that we focus on the letter of the law, and I do not believe that I am in any way taking this verse out of context. The spirit of the law is this: separation from God brings death. It is erroneous religion to demand precise sexual practice as our demands are causing greater gaps between people and God. I would argue that instead it is appropriate (when there is a deep enough relationship with a friend who invites you into conversation about sexuality) to search out with the person what God is calling the individual too. And let the plumb line be this: what change or non-change brings you to a greater level of laying down your life for your neighbor. Because this is ultimately what brings us closer to God.

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it. It is the job of the sculptor to discover it.”
-Michelangelo

No one questions that every human as some unique part of God inside. Of course we all probably agree that it is rare that we are able to glimpse such beauty, as Michelangelo would say, “set free”. I know that I for one have a good chunk of ugliness that still needs to be carved away before I walk in perfect love, but I also believe (not always know) that God is chipping away at me. Me and every other block head out there with a cold hard heart. And I do mean every. Even the haters, the demon possessed, and the self-centered sensualists. Even they have something stunning underneath their metamorphosed decomposed shellfish sheltered hearts.
It’s tragic to me that most of my companions in faith believe that the majority of these unique aspects of Gods heart will go unfinished. Let’s face it even a generous Christian can’t argue that according to popular doctrine the majority of the human race is headed for the furnace. All of those unique pieces of God being lost forever, unfinished works being burned.
When it was all said and done only aions can tell, but I’ve got a hunch that love will complete every work that God ever started.

I recently watched a film where a character claimed that God must be gay because he did such a good job decorating the planet. Though quite funny this is clearly unsound doctrine. We all know quite well that God likes chicks. Unless of course God is a chick then He likes dudes. I mean She likes dudes, can God be a she? God made Adam in his image so he clearly has a penis. Though this confuses me because God made Adam to have an intimate companionship with. I would think he would have made Eve first for that….Wait a minute, is God gay?!

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